I Hate Myself and want to Die
Shugie* and Ronald*. Father and son. Still lived together 10 years after Mrs Shugie (Mum) died. Ronald wasn’t the marrying type. Not that he was sexually diverse or anything. If I had to describe that side of him I would say that he was asexual. Living at home with his dad was probably the best option for him. Comfort and no questions asked.Ronald had either had a brain tumour as a youngster, or meningitis. Opinions differ amongst those who were around when such things should’ve been remembered better. Still, time flies doesn’t it? Shugie worked in the same factory as me for more years than I care to remember. We ‘dealt’ with each other two or three times a week. He came across as a ‘nice’ bloke. (Doncha just hate that insipid adjective)? Cheery, positive. Always smiling. Always joking.
Ronald held down a decent job and eventually became a glider pilot with a penchant for photography. He would to call on us periodically and show us his airborne snaps every now and then. Bird’s eye views of the A34, Hollingworth Lake and Bakewell.
Shugie and Ronald. We used to live opposite them but we moved and for the past 24 years, we’ve lived about 50 yards away from them. Father and son.
Our next door neighbour at the time was ‘the-wee-little-fat-woman-who-lived-next-door’. TWLFWWLND was a cleaning fanatic. Polishing, cleaning windows mowing the lawn, spitting on hankies to wipe her daughter’s face, constantly redecorating.
Constantly fighting dirt and mess wherever she found it.
Dearest and I used to love inviting TWLFWWLND and Mr TWLFWWLND round to ours for drinks and mess. I think it was like a release for TWLFWWLND. She just let her hair down and had a laugh. The day after reality (for her) kicked in and the cleaning bug returned. In the last few years she has become a cleaner at a local, up-market furniture store. Isn’t it great when a hobby (or, indeed, an obsession) becomes your job? ;-)
Dearest and I invited Shugie and Ronald round to New Year’s Eve parties at ours and, at one time they used to come. (“I’ll have a small sherry please”). As years have passed though they have rarely ventured forth. TWLFWWLND used to pitch up year afetr year though. A woman geared for pleasure. And a nosey sod!
TWLFWWLND peered through Shughie and Ronald’s letter box on Saturday morning. Nobody had seen them for a couple of weeks and the mail was piling up. Shugie’s Neice had called round to ask if anyone had seen them. TWLFWWLND, being an optimist and a nosey fucker, figured a good rap on the door would sort things out. She rapped. She shouted.
She peered through the letter box.
The pair of them were dangling from the banister with ropes round their necks. How long they had been there we don’t yet know, but Shugie’s neice had been trying to contact them for a week – with no response.
Father and son. Dangling together. What unimaginable despair was coursing through their minds at the time?
Sometimes it feels like we’re living in Midsomer.
*Not their real names obviously. But bloody close!
