Softly, As I Leave You......
I last saw my Dad alive on my 53rd birthday.
Two days later he'd gone.
Two days later he was an ex-Dad.
In the end it was a relief. We'd been called out once to spend all night listening to him gurgle and groan in a NHS ward with a modicum of privacy. We stirred ourselves and readied ourselves for the inevitable but my Dad had other plans. He hung on for 12 hours then rallied.
Two weeks later he finally embraced eternity and we could start to grieve. In the end it had taken three weeks for him to go and we missed the End by ten minutes or so.
For the past two months he had been in a residential care home and he was rubbing along quite well. A TV, decent food and a really caring environment where he could enjoy the occasional pint of Guinness made his last few months tolerable. The hard part was the visiting. The one-sided conversations. The heart-breaking big smiles he'd suddenly give you. The questions he was starting to ask but was never able to finish.......
He still understood certain jokes though and laughed and laughed when I told him any. It was at times like that when he had a sparkle in his eye. For all his trials and tribulations it cheered me that humour still had such a profound effect on him. It could still dig deep into his ravaged brain and tickle whatever it is that it tickles.
And then, one night he decided to get out of bed and fell over and banged his head.
He had a bleed that couldn't be stemmed because he wasn't robust enough to go through the operation. They hoped the bleed would stop of it's own accord but it didn't. I loved him deeply. He gave me life of course, but he also gave me the gene that makes music so important. We had problems, of course we did, but as I grew we enjoyed each other's company more and more.
We had a Socialist Humanist funeral for him. He would have loved that if he'd have been there. As the coffin was wheeled into the Crem "The Birth of the Blues" by Frank Sinatra was played. Half way through a recording that my Dad, myself and my kids did in a proper recording studio years ago was aired before Matt Monroe's "Softly As I Leave You" finished what was a very beautiful and personal service.
We found a love poem he had written for my Mother. I think the entire place was in floods of tears.
See you Dad. I think we did you proud.
Maybe I'll tell you about my shithouse of a "brother" later.
15 comments:
Sorry to hear about your loss Steve. My Mom saw me Dad wheeled down the conveyor belt to one of his favourite songs.... Jim Reeves... 'He'll have to go". We didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh, and by the way, may those bastards who broke into his house rot in hell.
Sincere condolences Steve. It sounds as if you gave the old boy the best possible launch - off into the other world that we know doesn't exist because this life we are living is all there is and from what you say, I guess your dad knew that. Sweet memories to cherish.
Steve.
Your Words Do Your DAD Proud.
My Deepest Good Wishes.
Tony.
No words will be good enough. Take care of yourself and those dear to you. As I am certain you will.
Sam.
A really moving tribute. My condolences.
A mate of mine's ma rattled along the rollers to the strains of "Light My Fire." Honest. Take care.
Very sorry Steve. Our thought are with you.
Steve, really sorry about your dad. I struggle with words at times like this because you know that no words can help. Thinking of you.
It's been a truly fucked up summer - thoughts with you, man!
That was a noble piece of work. Sorry for your loss but glad somehow to have read it.
That's a lovely tribute...now about your shithouse of a brother...?
Thanks everyone. I think I'm coming out of the "Slough of Despond" now. Expect more crap soon. ;-)
God Steve, I've been a bitv remiss on everything recently, so have only just read this. I am so sorry mate. I hope you and your mum are holding up.
I'm so sorry Stve. I only just saw this sad news.
And you did do him proud.
For some reason I've not been able to get on to your blog for the last couple of months - so I've only just seen this lump-in-the-throat tribute to your dad - very hard to write, but very worth the effort.
Belated condolences (for some reason your feed was inadvertently dropped from my feedreader, and I have just visited here on spec). This post is a beautiful tribute, and I hope you are coping with your loss as well as can be expected.
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