Sittin' On Top Of The World

"Ambition should never be constrained by a person's starting point in life," Charles Windsor 22/11/2004

He's right y'know. Just this very afternoon I sat my kids down and said: "kids, if you strive and strive and do the best that you can in every area of your life, then, one day, you too could become the Prince of Wales, the Duke of Edinburgh or even.....a King!"

At least I think they can.....it's just that I have a nagging feeling there's a flaw in my logic somewhere......

Ahhh that reminds me......somewhere. There's a place for us. Somewhere a place for us.........

Just how Charlie likes it.

Behind A Painted Smile

You know I love the BBC. I think it's one of the greatest things about this green and pleasant land of ours. Advert free (well apart from the ones advertising its own products), a broad range of programming from the cutting edge urban R&B of Radios 1 and 1 extra, through the Asian Network, 5Live, Radios 4,3 and 2 - as well as 6 and 7. TV-wise we now have BBC 3 and 4, along with CBBC and CBeebies. Quality, quality, quality! And all provided for an absolute weekly pittance.

All in all I love it. If I had to choose between the plethora of bombastic shite provided by the likes of Sky or the understated, thought-provoking magnificence of the Beeb there would be no contest.

What the BBC doesn't do well though is Children in Need. It is a God-awful marathon of second rate entertainment allied with blatant self-promotion of fading pop stars and advertising opportunities for businesses both big and small(ish).

This evening I had to watch Shane bloody Ritchie, Geri sodding Halliwell and Russell I'm-a-big-united-fan-who-used-to-go-to-every-game-but-can't-remember-where-I-used-to- sit-'cos-the-ground's-changed-that-much) Watson. I also noticed Bryan Adams on the list and a few others I've not heard of for at least ten years. In fact the only surprise for me was Jamie Cullum who I think has got a future and doesn't need his obligatory career resurrection just yet.

A middle-class, back-slapping 'aren't we great we're doing things for charity' embarras-o-rama. Gaby Rosslyn fer Christ's sake? And, of course, the old TogMeister himself: Terence Wogan.

Still at least it's over for another year along with Diwali and Eid which means we've only got Christmas left to interfere with our daily lives.

What multicultural times we live in.

Songs of Yesterday

I've seen the 'Band Aid 20' video/tune twice now. Prior to these viewings I had only heard a little snippet on a mono, crappy £20 radio in the kitchen. Bought to listen to 5Live and nowt else really. I had, however, read blogs that were castigating it right left and centre. 'There's no one with talent in it'. 'Is this the best we can do in the 21st century?'. 'It's shit'.

Well, no it's not shit. Different maybe, but not shit. A few listens now on decent equipment and my only gripe is that some of the vocals are so far back in the mix to render them almost inaudible to old buggers like me. Still, you can't stop progress. C'est la vie!

I hear condemnation of this latest rendition that complains of the lightweight artistes contributing. Hmmmmmm. I reckon that exactly the same condemnations were being hurled the way of Geldof's 'Band of Brothers and Sisters' of 1984. Paul Young anyone? Bananarama? Even Bono was a sallow youth with everything still to prove.

So, yeah, it's not MY cup of tea - but then again I was never that keen on the original. Furthermore it's not aimed at any of us old buggers who write Blogs wItHOut ChoPpy cHANgy tXt iN It. Leave the kids and their grandma's to buy it (or if you're feeling charitable buy a copy or two yourself), it's not for the likes of us so move along. There's nothing for you here - don't you know it's Christmas?

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I'm up in my eyrie typing this on a Compaq Armada 7792DMT laptop - about 5 or 6 years old and still able to provide adequate graphics, sound and bloggage. I'm trying out Firefox on it to see how it interacts with Blogger. As I type I'm listening to the Byrds Greatest Hits...........I Think I'm Going Back.............

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Happy update. Lastminute.Com have finally - after much correspondence - agreed to allow 132 euros to wing their way back to Occupied Towers as a 'gesture of goodwill' for the crap hotel we endured during our trip to Barcelona.

Result!

Young, Gifted and Black

Can someone remind just what century this is? Because after watching England's embarrassing mauling by the Spaniards tonight I'm coming to the conclusion that I have been wafted back to a time of the Windrush, the colour bar and 'No Dogs, Irish or Blacks'. It was an absolute disgrace. Monkey noises every time a black English player got the ball: monkey noises? Can you believe it? 2004 and the poor buggers still have to put up with monkey noises.

I had a truly surreal moment when I realised that there was a kind of 'caste system' that dictated how much (or if any) booing they got. In short the blacker the louder. Rio Ferdinand, mixed parentage but erring more to the Caucasian = none. Ashley Cole, a sort of deep beige = quite a lot. Shaun Wright-Phillips, probably the blackest on the pitch = OOOH OOOH OOOH OOOH OOOH OOOH OOOH!!!!!!! Everytime he got anywhere near the ball.

Now I've heard reports of this going on in Eastern Europe when British teams play there, but I have never heard it picked up so clearly as it was this evening on the BBC. John Motson and Mark Lawrenson were lost for words half the time. There's only so much condemnation you can utter in situations like that. In the end all you can feel is contempt for the Spanish Chavs making the noises and an underlying suspicion that, once again, EUFA, FIFA and the rest of the junket-attending, be-suited, corpulent powers-that-be will do fuck all.

As the whole sorry mess unfolded before my eyes, I couldn't help but think how Ron Atkinson would have handled it if he had been commentating.

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Dearest has assumed that 'it's almost Christmas therefore the house needs decorating, refurbishing, polishing and made-over'position. No matter what we discuss: Iraq, world peace, the life-cycle of the seventeen year locust or the suitability of Condoleesa Rice as a secretary of state, it all comes down to decor.

"I can't believe Bush believes he has 'electoral currency' and he's going to spend it!"

"The bedroom's old-fashioned, we'll have to spend money on it."

"How can a bedroom be old-fashioned? All we do is indulge in profoundly ecstatic sex sleep in the bloody place and occasionally read the papers, how can it be old-fashioned? Who the hell walks through it casting aspersions?"

"You really have no idea do you?"

"Errr yes. I have an idea that the money could be spent on something more useful - like electricity, gas or water. Food even. Or maybe drink!

"It's a mere two years since we last had the living room done. The bathroom's tiled from head to toe. Hall, stairs and landing - two years like the living room. The kitchen? A paltry three years. I will quite happily concede that this time next year the kitchen may (and I mean may) require redecorating. But, NOT NOW!!!!"

I really put my foot down.

The bedroom's being decorated this weekend. The new bed arrives the week after - along with the new carpet.

I suspect my sperm count took quite a knock over the past few days also.

The 21st century eh? It's a bitch ain't it? Time was you could arrive home from a hard day at the 'Office', read the paper and smoke your pipe while listening to the Home Service as 'the wife' rustled up a nutritious yet tasty evening meal. If you were asked permission to decorate, a thin-lipped reply would suffice, along the lines of: "I don't think so darling, that wallpaper was only hung the week after we married....`15 years I think. They said it would last a lifetime when we made our purchase. I expect to test that claim. Maybe after we're dead..........."

*sucks absent-mindedly on Meerschaum*

And that, would be that.

Relax....

It's OK everyone. Stop your worrying. Tony's just landed in the good ol' US of A to 'discuss' stuff with Dubya.

I just hope God's not busy dealing with some other crisis when they finally kneel together in the Oval Office.

It would look bad wouldn't it if George and Tone were praying like buggery for World Peace and God was tied up with a Brazilian footballer's on-pitch exhortations tp play well and win comprehensively.

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So Long Yasser. The next few months will give us an indication of how the immediate future in the middle east is going to pan out.

Don't you just wish it was Kerry who was adjusting his short-term position to deal with the sensitive situations ahead.

I know I do. International incidents galore. That's all we've got to look forward to.

Freedom's Just Another Word....

Lest we forget some brave men and women - our grandparents - went through a hell of a lot to guarantee a future where dissidents and Dubya-lovers could voice their views without fear of a lack of Habeas Corpus, the thumbrack and/or electrodes to the genitalia. If it hadn't been for Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib I could've said we, in the West have come a long way. But there you go. You can't legislate for the Politics of Fear and Envy.

In the meantime let's not forget the sacrifice our forbears made, and let's not forget the sacrifices that are being made by young men and women right now. They are not to blame for the short-sighted, vainglorious, ego-driven posturing of here-today-gone-tomorrow politicians. And the sad thing is, when today's politicos are safely committing their memoirs to Micro$oft Word, The British Legion and its foreign counterparts will still be relying on charity to pick up the pieces of lives shattered by the lies and subterfuge of the odious, pontificating twats who grace public office these days.

My Grandad spent many terrifying hours on the beach of Dunkirk, the first couple of boats he managed to scramble onto didn't make it. He nearly drowned but was dragged into a third and spent the next couple of years convalescing from a chest crushed when some loose chandlery fell on him as they raced across the channel. The powers that be got him fit and ready for action again and, after a short while posted 'somewhere in England' he finally got to see active service again. June 1944 it was. A bit hairy an' all by all accounts.

We've always had an unlucky streak our family. But Dunkirk AND D-Day? That's just taking the piss. Luckily he survived and the British Legion - along with The Dunkirk Association - gave him a release from the mundane realities of the everyday and a probably much needed opportunity to talk to others who understood.

NB Use the Hyperlink in the text if you wish to donate, I can't get the animation to link through and I can't be arsed at the moment to figure out why. Lack of moral fibre you see - just like Dubya.

Nothin' To Lose

Derby day. We've not won at Trafford for thirty years. We have six first team players out and it looks like Keegan is going to play Robbie he-used-to-be-good-you-know Fowler. We're gonna get a wuppin'.

ADDENDUM 11:45pm.

0-0 After a full 90 minutes of Man United's hammering the City goal without luck. Shame but we now know why they are struggling. Quote:-

The Man Utd boss also hinted that his players are finding it difficult to motivate themselves for domestic football.

Ferguson said: "Maybe it's the big game factor, and the mundane challenge of the Premiership might not be the same."

Hey Sir Alex, you're nowhere near qualifying for next year's Chump's League yet. The number of chances your team created, only to be foiled by the kids of City's Academy, along with Sky's MOTM Richard Dunne and Silvain Distin, beggared belief. How much has Man United spent on that 'strike' force?

Yatesy - you have got to get rid of Alex. He's gone mad.

Madman Across The Water

Well, there you go. Even my predicted legal challenge hasn't stopped Dubya winning not only the electoral college but the popular vote as well. As long as my arse points south I'll never fathom the intellect of half of the American populace. A man who patently has difficulty grasping the idea that other points of view might - just might - have some validity. A man who by his own admission uses biblical tracts to form policy. A man who thinks (like Tony Blair) that the world was created in six days by some Big Guy who lives in the sky. A man who probably thinks he is the Big Guy's representative here on earth.

I'll never understand the over-reliance on God, the constant references to him during what should be rational debate on the relevant issues of the day. God wants you to vote for Bush. God hates gays. God hates pro-choicers. God loves The Rifle Association and the Gun Lobby. God ain't keen on pinko, pansy-loving, do-gooding East coast liberals. God ain't happy about parts of the Constitution. God's a Good Ol' Boy, a staunch Republican Redneck. God blesses America time and time and time again.

And the rest of us stare with a mixture of distaste, pity and fear. What will the next four years bring? What do you think George will want to do with his new mandate? Bring the nation together? Compromise with abortionists? Discuss the way forward with Gays and Lesbians? Tax the super-rich to provide welfare for the significant number who fall through the net? Accept that other people have views that are valid regardless of the fact that they don't fit in with viewpoint of the New American Century? Admit that, on occasions mistakes have been made? Give juicy Federal contracts to companies with the best Tender rather than Halliburton?

I don't think so. Do you?

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The winds of 'more of the same' will have quite an effect over here as well. Tony will struggle more and more as 'our boys' come under increasing attack in Iraq. The place has become a magnet for Radical Islam. Any accounts you read of the place describe a lawless place with a few besieged cities dotted around. The Black Watch convoy traveling up the main road from Basra to Baghdad is testament to this. Attacked at least twice in a land where the mission has been accomplished.

Wouldn't have happened under Saddam.

And many observers believe Iran's next! I'd like to hear Tony justifying that little jaunt.

I think a combination of Bush-endorsement and deep unpopularity might just tip the scales in favour of Brown making his move. Whether he does this before or after the election I don't know. Perhaps Tony's heart problem will fortuitously raise its head again. Who knows?

It's a good job the Tories are in such a mess.

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Looks a few more scapegoats have been crushed as they oiled the wheels of industry. Claims of false accounting involving a multinational company? Sounds familiar don't it? Hope the pension fund's OK.

I'm A Loser

Barcelona

So there I am watching Chelski v Abromovich's other team when I over hear Dearest on the phone to either Eldest or Youngest or one of their Darlin's:

"Yeah he was trying to replace the bulb in it and broke the bloody thing. You can have it if you want."

Dearest was referring to the cheapo, crap uplighters she bought about two years ago from some upmarket emporium like Argos. For some God-forsaken reason (and probably the reason they were so 'competitively priced') they had halogen bulbs in them. Recently one of the bulbs went and Dearest started 'hinting' that I get it replaced.

Now the corner shop doesn't sell halogen light bulbs - I mean why should it? So I said I'd pick one up at the weekend and sort it.

Come the weekend I start to take the old bulb out in order to purchase the correct replacement and it soon becomes evident just what a pile of risible crap I am dealing with. The ceramic bed in which the bulb sits crumbles to dust at my touch.

"It's a worthless piece of crap that should be binned right now" I expertly concluded. "That's why it had halogen bulbs in it - it had a lifetime of one bulb".

So we bought new (and that was a traumatic shopping-fest in its own right believe me). They were expensive but well made and we had to order the buggers - but at least they use normal bulbs that they sell in the corner shop.

So tonight they arrive and I assembled and installed them, thus triggering the aforementioned telephone call.

I was pissed off - to say the least - that the shoddiness of the bloody thing should suddenly become my fault. I was also mightily peeved that Dearest has listened to me telling her (and offering to show her) just how crap the thing was, whilst all the while thinking I had broken it and was just making excuses!

I can't help but think though that my reaction to this 'slur' is a little over-the-top. But it is really annoying me.

Reality doesn't matter y'know. It's perception that counts.

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I see Arsenal nearly threw it all away again in the Chump's League. It seems to me that there is a massive mental block about Europe for the Gunners that Arsene is going to have some trouble overcoming. It's hard to believe that a team with so much talent and such strength in depth can become such shadows of their normal selves. For long periods tonight Panathinaikos looked like the home team. Arsenal sat deep and, as time went by, the Greeks looked more and more like nicking it. The very idea of Arsenal at Highbury should be making teams quake in their boots.

Perception doesn't matter y'know. It's reality that counts.

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As for the election: well apparently it has now become too close to call. Occupiedcountry's not afraid of predictions though, and here it is:

There will be legal challenges before the sun sets on Wednesday.

God bless America.