Young, Gifted and Black
Can someone remind just what century this is? Because after watching England's embarrassing mauling by the Spaniards tonight I'm coming to the conclusion that I have been wafted back to a time of the Windrush, the colour bar and 'No Dogs, Irish or Blacks'. It was an absolute disgrace. Monkey noises every time a black English player got the ball: monkey noises? Can you believe it? 2004 and the poor buggers still have to put up with monkey noises.I had a truly surreal moment when I realised that there was a kind of 'caste system' that dictated how much (or if any) booing they got. In short the blacker the louder. Rio Ferdinand, mixed parentage but erring more to the Caucasian = none. Ashley Cole, a sort of deep beige = quite a lot. Shaun Wright-Phillips, probably the blackest on the pitch = OOOH OOOH OOOH OOOH OOOH OOOH OOOH!!!!!!! Everytime he got anywhere near the ball.
Now I've heard reports of this going on in Eastern Europe when British teams play there, but I have never heard it picked up so clearly as it was this evening on the BBC. John Motson and Mark Lawrenson were lost for words half the time. There's only so much condemnation you can utter in situations like that. In the end all you can feel is contempt for the Spanish Chavs making the noises and an underlying suspicion that, once again, EUFA, FIFA and the rest of the junket-attending, be-suited, corpulent powers-that-be will do fuck all.
As the whole sorry mess unfolded before my eyes, I couldn't help but think how Ron Atkinson would have handled it if he had been commentating.
Dearest has assumed that 'it's almost Christmas therefore the house needs decorating, refurbishing, polishing and made-over'position. No matter what we discuss: Iraq, world peace, the life-cycle of the seventeen year locust or the suitability of Condoleesa Rice as a secretary of state, it all comes down to decor.
"I can't believe Bush believes he has 'electoral currency' and he's going to spend it!"
"The bedroom's old-fashioned, we'll have to spend money on it."
"How can a bedroom be old-fashioned? All we do is
"You really have no idea do you?"
"Errr yes. I have an idea that the money could be spent on something more useful - like electricity, gas or water. Food even. Or maybe drink!
"It's a mere two years since we last had the living room done. The bathroom's tiled from head to toe. Hall, stairs and landing - two years like the living room. The kitchen? A paltry three years. I will quite happily concede that this time next year the kitchen may (and I mean may) require redecorating. But, NOT NOW!!!!"
I really put my foot down.
The bedroom's being decorated this weekend. The new bed arrives the week after - along with the new carpet.
I suspect my sperm count took quite a knock over the past few days also.
The 21st century eh? It's a bitch ain't it? Time was you could arrive home from a hard day at the 'Office', read the paper and smoke your pipe while listening to the Home Service as 'the wife' rustled up a nutritious yet tasty evening meal. If you were asked permission to decorate, a thin-lipped reply would suffice, along the lines of: "I don't think so darling, that wallpaper was only hung the week after we married....`15 years I think. They said it would last a lifetime when we made our purchase. I expect to test that claim. Maybe after we're dead..........."
*sucks absent-mindedly on Meerschaum*
And that, would be that.
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