Advice for the Young at Heart....Soon you will be Older

A couple of months ago I purchased a decent-ish spec system unit to attach to my 19" LCD panel and finally kiss goodbye to my IBM T21 laptop with the missing keys. It cost me £137 for a dual processor 300Ghz box with 2Gb of RAM, a 250Gb hard disk and Vista Home Premium. Bargain.

I splashed out for this for two reasons. First of all I needed adequate disk space to mirror the external 250Gb hard disk I have all my photos and music on and, secondly, I needed a PC that could handle my M-Audio MIDI controller keyboard without any latency.

Well, the adequate disk space is sorted but, when it comes to the smooth running of decent sound recording software, it's a complete and utter failure. The Vista drivers just can't handle realtime simultaneous playback and recording. The message boards and forums are full of aggrieved musicians detailing their heartache and subsequent return to XP. I've tried the onboard Realtek soundcard and two M-Audio Audiophile 24/96, top-of-the-range jobbies.

I sit there playing an augmented fifth, major seventh or even a bog-standard C major and it's a good tenth of second before you hear what you've just played. And I'm not on my own. 99% of the dissatisfaction with the OS is down to latency issues.

So i guess until we see Service Pack 5 or so, music recording on a Vista PC is a no-no.

---

So it's back to my tried and trusted Yamaha MDS4(pictured above) and, furthermore, whatever I record over the next few months will be basically acoustic. Guitar, slide guitar, mandolin, harmonica, dulcimer, percussion and plenty of vocal harmony. All I need to do first is transfer all the stuff I've already got recorded on the 4-track Mini Disks that the machine takes to CD or my free space on my gmail account to ensure it doesn't disappear forever. You can still buy 4-track minidisks, but they cost an arm and a leg.

So, recycling. That's the future. Honest.

And the funny thing is, given all the upheaval and heartache of the past 24 months or so - redundancy, loss of a parent, new job x 2 etc., most of the songs I have put together have been quite jolly - for me. I don't know why. Or perhaps I do. I don't know.

I've set myself 6 months to record and mix six songs/tunes and get them up on my MySpace site

Targets. That's what I need. Well, targets and money. Lots of it.

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There's a few of us off to the Acoustic Festival of Britain this weekend. Tents 'n' stuff! Wish me luck!

The Sound of the Crowd

If you're not a Scot (or a Mancunian for that matter), you may be forgiven for not knowing that Glasgow Rangers are taking on Zenit St Petersburg at Manchester City's stadium this evening with the EUFA cup going to the winners.

This has resulted in the biggest invasion of England by Scots since the diminutive Bonnie Prince Charlie made it down to the Midlands back in the day. They started arriving yesterday and last night the centre of Manchester was awash with blue. As I drove to work past the stadium this morning at 8:30am there were pockets of fans wrapped in Union Jacks and swigging from cans of lager.

I got in work at 9:00am and noticed coaches of fans arriving and parking up near Lancashire Cricket Club - miles away from the centre and the ground. All day they came; ejaculating well-oiled 'Gers followers who promptly urinated wherever they could before heading towards Manchester centre clutching cans, bottles, flags and banners.

By 1:30 pm they were marching down the road outside my office and I took the video above with my mobile phone (hence the quality). I had to leave work early to ensure I could get home as my journey takes me onto the Manchester inner ring road and past the ground via the designated route from the City centre. A bit of delay but not much and it was great seeing all the supporters enjoying themselves in the sunshine.



Here are some of them in Albert Square enjoying the sunshine.

The atmosphere has been great all day with upwards of 150,000 entering the City and clearing the shops of every drop of alcohol they could find. Sadly, as the game kicked off, the big screen in the fan's zone in Piccadilly failed and it 'kicked off' there as well. As I write riot police have been brought in and fans are throwing bottles and traffic cones.

The sad thing is, this will be a minority of dickheads. The same type of dickhead you get following any football club.

It's been a great day for Glasgow and a great day for Manchester Sadly this minority of dickheads will probably be getting all the media attention tomorrow.

+++ UPDATE +++ +++UPDATE +++ +++ UPDATE +++

For some reason I can't leave a link to this so you'll have to cut'n'paste.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/7401814.stm

QUOTE "Fans who had been waiting in Piccadilly Gardens all day were unimpressed [when the big screen in Piccadilly failed].

One said: "This is absolutely ridiculous - there's Rangers fans throwing balls** and cans at each other because the game's not on.

"We've been sat here since 12 o'clock waiting on the game coming on. The coverage started at seven o'clock and then five minutes later the game's off.

"It's an absolute shambles, shame on Manchester, shame on Manchester - it's let the country down." UNQUOTE

"Shame on Manchester"? How much have I as a taxpayer forked out to accomodate fans who have turned up without tickets regardless of advice given? I've forked out to provide facilities and policing and ambulance services and probably hospital beds for people who quite frankly had been drinking since early morning (see above).

Glasgow Rangers, you were great today. Tonight, a minority of dickheads were a disgrace.

And now I hear a Zenit fan was stabbed outside the ground.

I thought today was going to be different to my experiences with Manchester United playing Celtic. I thought it was going to be a cheery affair.

Ah well.

Still, thanks for the slagging off. We tried but obviously we're crap

After all, it's a doddle dealing with 150,000 in an area that can hardly cope with 50,000 om a Saturday.



Shame on Manchester?

**Lost in translation? ;-)

Life Gets Tedious Don't It?

If I hear anyone else pontificate about how exciting this season's Premiership run in is I will scream and scream until I'm sick.

Who, apart from United or Chelsea fans gives a toss which one of the World's richest clubs wins? Exciting? I don't think so. I bet anyone with a modicum of football interest could have predicted which teams would be sat at the top of table without a problem.

Keegan was right, the Premiership is boringly predictable and the only way that the monopoly at the top can be broken is via the mega-rich billionaires of the world buying into clubs and funnelling astronomical sums of money into them. Even then the more unfashionable clubs (Reading and Manchester City for example) will struggle to attract true world class managers and players as the gravitational pull of the 'big clubs' exerts its influence.

Ho hum.

So the Premiership becomes a three mini-league bore-a-thon whereas the Championship provides all the footballing excitement and truly is exciting.

But for how much longer?

As of this season the club that comes bottom of the Premiership receives a payment on a par with what the winner of the Premiership got a couple seasons ago. A cool £30 million give or take a few pence.

£30 million.

Now how will that amount of money affect the rest of the Championship? How are the likes of Swansea or Nottingham Forest or Barnsley or Pymouth Argyll expected to compete against teams that come down with a minimum of £30 million in their back pocket?

I think it will trigger another 'mini leagues within a league' as the Championship mirrors the Premiership with a top six or so of clubs that yo-yo between the Championship and the Premiership picking their hefty promotion/relegation payouts on the way up or down. Next there will be a mini league consisting of the Ipswiches, Barnsleys, Prestons and the like who float in the middle. At the bottom there will the Championship's equivalent of the WBAs and Watfords; constantly winning promotion and relegation but never able to break through to the top of the league on account of the gulf in money.

Depressing isn't it? It doesn't stop the fans dreaming though does it?

So, good luck to Stoke next season and let's all cross our fingers for Hull City who, not so long ago were fighting to stay in the Football League never mind fighting to achieve Premiership status.















Have a good un.

Always Crashing in the Same Car

Hmmmmm....TimesNewRoman tagged me - the sod!

Now, if it had been anyone else I would've ignored it, but, well, we go back a long way. So here goes:-

1. What was the last 1980s song you heard?

"Downtown Lights" The Blue Nile. Beautiful. Beautiful and beautiful. What more can I say? Beautiful. Machines and human voices can emote. Beautiful.

2. What was the last thing you saw on You Tube?

Peri Urban "Over".

3. What was the last entry on wikipedia you viewed?

The Scuttlers of Manchester.

4. Last computer /video game completed?

Football Manager when City were in the third division. Certainly not the fuckin' Division 1 it's now known as. Bought some cracking foreigners for a pittance and employed a 4-4-3/4-5-1 continental approach that threw the opposition completely. Promotion in the first season. Sacked within three weeks of season two. So that counts as completed. 'Cos, once your sacked you have to start again. I felt at one with Peter Reid, Brian Horton, Frank Clarke, Alan Ball, Joe Royle and the rest though. Sven too....probably.

Empathy. That's the word.

5. What did you last Pig Out on?

A ChilliBurger from Prima Pizza on Easter Sunday. Not for any religious reasons mind it was all down to an all-dayer with our lads culminating in an inability to cook for ourselves when we got home. Wrong though. Doesn't help the blood pressure.

6. What is the last undeleted text message on your mobile?

"Have a virtual pint instead"

7. When did you last have a conversation with someone other than a family member?

Errr..today at work Does that count?

8. Aside from where you live, what is the last village/town/city you visited?

Birmingham to see Seth Lakeman, Tunng and Sharron Krauss last weekend.

9. What was the last Competiton you won?

Peel. Isle of Man 1964. Talent competion. I was ten years of age and I sang "Chicago" unaccompanied.. A song I had only heard Sinatra sing. But, given the fact that is pretty much all we heard in our house at the time unremarkable.

10. What were the last 3 Blogs you visited?

Well..TimesNewRoman obviously. Yorkshire Pudding and Alastair's Heart Monitor.

Pretzel Logic

Hmmm....strange weekend. I (well we...) went to Birmingham. For me it was the first time since 1972. For the rest of 'em it was the first time.

It was great. The architecture in the heart of the city is beautiful. Well done Joseph Chamberlain (Neville's Dad or Grandad or Uncle or some other significant other.) The last time I went it was a dump. Mind you so was Manchester at the time. Concrete concrete and more concrete. Having said that, so was most of the rest of Post-war Britain. A housing shortage, an exotic (Bauhaus) view of the future and a climate geared up to anything but = disaster. Cue Hulme.

It really is a stunning transformation. Birmngham shone and we enjoyed ourselves thoroughly.

We actually went to see Seth Lakeman and Tunng at the the wonderful Birmingham Town Hall, which is basically a copy of the Parthenon. It sits on a hillock as well.

We had seats on the front row. In the middle - more or less. Ha! I was snapping away because I had read the small print and I knew there was no restriction on photography. The support acts came on and I took piccies with no problem. Seth Lakeman came on and after the first number a security guard came up to me and said "no flash photography"

"I haven't flashed" I replied (I hate it btw. ).

"Are you sure?" She said.

"Errrrrmmmm yes" I replied as flash bulbs that would never illuminate the stage lit her face up from angles she would've wished they hadn't had she seen the results, and all of them from rows behind me.

She was perplexed.

She looked at my camera (a DSLR) and I made out it had no flash on it. It does but it's cleverly hidden and is generally crap anyway.

So, faced with the fact that is obviously not me taking FLASH PHOTOGRAPHS with my fancy camera from the first row, she retreated with decorum saying "don't take too many pictures."

So I took hundreds.

Most were either a)crap or b)repetitive though, so here are a few as opposed to all. There's a couple with no link to Birmingham at all also.

















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That's all folks!

Lo and Behold

Well that was a turn up for the books. As I peeked out of the bedroom window at 6:30am on Easter Sunday I saw a good three inches of snow covering everything. Deep. Crisp. Even.

So up I got, packed the camera and walked round to our local beauty spot. Everywhere I looked I saw photo opportunities as this Mancunian suburb of mine put on its best clothes and smiled for a picture or two. I took my obligatory shot of the Manchester city centre skyline from a nearby vantage point and slid my way to Daisy Nook.

I was out for just over two hours and I walked for about five miles. All-in-all a great way to start the day. As the sun got higher the snow began to melt and I felt it was time to head home to bacon and eggs and a steaming mug of tea. Bliss.

Not many people about - just a few hardy souls with dogs to walk and other poor sods with jobs that make them work on Easter Sunday. Even postman get that off. An old fellow with a bright red face and a week's stubble told me to hurry up as the snow wouldn't last and I should take as many pictures as I could. So I did. Snaps below.

Incidentally Goldfrapp's new album is a pastoral masterpiece. Download it now.
















Thought I'd try a different treatment on this one.

Sign in Stranger

So, a chapter closes and the Royal Mail Group sails off into the distance. I have started my new job as an Oracle systems administrator and I'm loving it. I have been welcomed, given all the help I need and treated like a human being worthy of a modicum of respect.

Praise be.

I am stationed on the 10th floor with some fabulous views over the city, the Pennines and the Cheshire plain and life just feels right.

In fact the only blot on the horizon (literally) is the view on the left for, as I look out of the windows I also have to look at Old Trafford in all its hideous glory. Still, it's a small price to pay.

I enjoyed myself this morning as the Royal Mail have sent me a questionnaire so they can "better understand" why I left. Cathartic I can tell you. A written explosion of all that's pent up within me over the months. Inadequate, insular, Dickensian.....I could on...and probably will one day. But not now. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.

---

I'm currently reading marvellous Post-War history of Britain "A World to Build". It's part of a projected series entitled "Tales of a New Jerusalem" that will eventually take the reader to 1979.

It's wonderful.

For the most part the author relies on the archives of the Mass Observation Project and, as such, is based on the diaries kept by ordinary folk - as well as the usual suspects - from all over the country. As a result of these apparently prosaic setting down of ordinary thoughts, a truly illuminating history shines through. We discover just how much of a damp squib the VE Day celebrations were everywhere except the West End of London for example. The little things that occurred on momentous days in history. The ending of a relationship, a man striking matches trying to find a shilling he has dropped and complaining that they don't last long enough. The wonder of seeing well-lit streets after years of blackout.

It's hard to believe it's the same country we inhabit. Consider this:-

"Britain in 1945. No supermarkets, no motorways, no teabags, no sliced bread, no frozen food, no flavoured crisps, no lager, no microwaves, no dishwashers, no Formica, no vinyl no CDs, no computers, no mobiles, no duvets, no Pill, no trainers, no hoodies, no Starbucks. Four Indian restaurants. Shops on every corner, pubs on every corner, cinemas in every high street, red telephone boxes, Lyons Corner Houses, trams, trolley-buses, steam trains. woodbines, Craven 'A', Senior Service, smoke, smog, Vapex inhalant. No launderettes, no automatic washing machines, wash day every Monday, clothes boiled in a tub, scrubbed on the draining board, rinsed in the sink, put through a mangle, hung out to dry. Central heating rare, coke boilers, water geysers, the coal fire, the hearth, the home, chilblains common. Abortion illegal, homosexual relationships illegal, suicide illegal, capital punishment legal. white faces everywhere. Back-to-backs, narrow cobbled streets, Victorian terraces, no high-rises,. Arterial roads, suburban semis, the march of the pylon. Austin Sevens, Ford Eights, no seat belts, Triumph motorcycles with sidecars. A Bakelite wireless in the home, 'Housewives Choice' or 'Worker's Playtime' or 'ITMA' on the air, televisions almost unknown, no programmes to watch, the family eating together. Milk of Magnesia, Vick Vapour rub, Friar's Balsom, Fynnon Salts, Eno's, Germoline. Suits and hats, dresses and hats, cloth caps and mufflers, no leisurewear, no 'teenagers'. Heavy coins, heavy shoes, heavy suitcases, heavy tweed coats, heavy leather footballs, no unbearable lightness of being. Meat rationed, butter rationed, lard rationed, margarine rationed, sugar rationed, tea rationed, cheese rationed, jam rationed, eggs rationed, sweets rationed, soap rationed. Make do and mend."

Recommended.

I had a 'lump in the throat' moment reading it the other day though as I found myself thinking 'I'll lend this my Dad he'd love it'.

Times like that bring back the reality. Ah well. Life goes on and the last gift of love is remembrance.

Right I'm off to watch Sven's Blue and White army take on ex-City player Gary Megson's Bolton Wanderers on the Big Screen in my local with many other like-minded folk. After the match we've got a curry ordered from a great Indian vegetarian we've discovered in Ashton-under-Lyne. So it's Chana Masala with Jeera rice and a Naan for me as I settle down for an evening of TV watching.

Here's some more photographs:-

























That's all folks!

I Bleed For You

The body of a controversial mystical monk who became a saint was today exhumed from his grave 40 years after his death and his corpse was said to be "intact".

Padre Pio claimed to suffer from stigmata or the wounds of Christ - holes in his hands and feet where the nails were used at the Crucifixion - and was made a saint by Pope John Paul II in 2002.

He enjoyed a massive following with thousands visiting him and even today, years after his death he has millions of devotees around the world and he is especially popular with Italian celebrities such as Sophia Loren and Andrea Bocelli.

Exhumed: The body of Padre Pio, who claimed to bleed from his hands like the crucified Christ, will go on public display so the faithful can venerate the man made a saint in 2002

Early this morning his grave at the monastery at San Giovanni Rotondo near Foggia in southern Italy where he was buried was entered and his coffin lifted from the ground and opened.

The exhumation was authorised by the Vatican in January and was granted so that Padre Pio's body could be "prepared" when it is put on public display next month to commemorate the anniversary of his death 40 years ago.

Local Archbishop monsignor Domenico D'Ambrosio, who was present at the exhumation, said: "The upper part of the skull was skeletal while the forehead was in perfect condition.

"The rest of the body is also well preserved. You can clearly see the beard, knees, hands, the nails - if Padre Pio will forgive me it's as if he has just had a manicure.

"The signs of the stigmata are not visible. The robes are also still intact and his feet are visible because as is customary capuchin monks are buried shoeless."

Despite the early hour and the biting cold a small crowd who had gathered outside the church cheered and clapped when news that the coffin had been exhumed filtered through.

Besides local church dignitaries medical experts from the Vatican's Congregation for the Causes of Saints were also present to verify the state of the corpse.

The saint's body is planned to be displayed for several months, after which it will be returned to the tomb in Santa Maria delle Grazie church in San Giovanni Rotondo, which neighbours the friary where Saint Pio lived.

When news of the exhumation was announced in January monsignor D'Ambrosio had said:"I am convinced that we all have the duty to allow future generations the chance to venerate the mortal remains of Saint Pio of Pietrelcina and to conserve them as well as possible."

Initially there was opposition from Padre Pio's family but they later gave the go ahead although there was a last minute appeal from the Padre Pio association to block the exhumation.

The saint was shunned by church authorities and recognised only after massive popular devotion to him.

He is especially popular in Australia and Ireland.

Padre Pio's shrine draws close to one million pilgrims each year, and the hospital he founded in San Giovanni Rotondo is one of the biggest in southern Italy.

In October last year an Italian author published a book claiming that the stigmata were faked and there was evidence in the Vatican archives to prove this.

However officials in Rome dismissed the suggestion and insisted their own investigations had ruled that the wounds were not caused by "external forces."

I am sat here dumbstruck. When I posted about the possibility of this occurring a couple of weeks ago I never for one moment thought they would actually do it.

Thank God I'm a Pastafarian. (Irony alert!)

I'm Free!

Oh yes. I'm FREE. FREE I tells yer!

Thursday morning at around 10:00am. I was knee deep in unsorted mail. My mobile rang: withheld number. I've had this before - when the body who are interested in employing me phoned to arrange an interview back in January. Now normally I don't pick up "withheld" calls but I took a chance.

It was a job offer.

I accepted there and then, before calmly re-entering the sorting office, sorting the eight ton of mail that lay there, going for a wee and then handing in my notice. It was ORGASMIC.

Management wanted to know why I was leaving. I told them. Shit job. Shit pay. Not part-time as promised. Mail not sorted as promised. Inadequate and frankly Neanderthal members of the management team. In short, a business heading for the skids at a rate of knots.

So, come Friday I will be posting my last bit of pointless junk mail before hanging up my bag and beginning to enjoy life again. A life where things like weekends once again exist. A life where I'm not sat twiddling my thumbs on a Tuesday because it's my day off. A life where my work mates may just be able to grasp concepts as far removed from Celebrity this, that and the other as possible.

In short; a life.

Not a lot to ask really is it?

The Royal Scam

There are a few things I've learned over the past few months as I've got pissed wet through sticking junk mail, glossy mags and the occasional letter through the front doors of the North West. One of the main things I have learned is that "those with the smallest letterboxes tend to subscribe to the bulkiest periodicals."

And fucking annoying it is too.

You would be surprised just how many doors from the 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s still exist out there. Letterboxes from a bygone era. An era when A4 envelopes didn't exist. An era when gossamer-thin Airmail letters were de rigueur as the post-war dash to Australia, Canada and South Africa took root throughout the bombed out cities of this Sceptered Isle.

Now try getting a Viking catalogue through that. Or a Sky magazine. Or 95% of the pointless crap that's gets shoved through front doors these days.

After folding and bending and barking your knuckles and fingers trying to force the things through - multiplied a thousand-fold as the round progresses - your arms hang like string at your side.

But at least you can bask in the warm glow you feel knowing you're providing an essential service to the good folk of the neighbourhood. I mean how else would they receive information about savings to be made from Insurance companies, mobile phone providers, satellite TV providers. private medical companies, Nationwide pub chains...etc...etc...etc?

Fulfilling I tells yer. Fulfilling.

Still not for much longer. ;-)

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Last Saturday evening the local quiz team had its annual feast. This is a tradition going back six or seven years now. Any money we win on "Play Your Cards Right" (after the quiz has finished), we put in a pool and whoever has been in the team over the previous year is entitled to a meal from the cash.

This year we decided to go Brazilian (quiet at the back). Pau Brasil is an authentic new addition to the increasingly diverse nightlife of Manchester.

It was great. Highly recommended though vegetarians should probably give it a miss. Basically, for £20 a head, you help yourself to salads, veg and a few hot dishes while waiters come round with huge skewers of beef, lamb, chicken and fish. For two hours you can eat as much as you want and the only extras are for your drinks which are priced at the usual central Manchester rates - around £3.50 for a pint of Staropramen. What was already a great night was improved even more when, at the very next table, three of City's new superstars sat down with their families. Geovanni, Nery Castillo and Elano . Don't start mithering them I instructed Dearest, they're out for a quiet night before we play Everton on Monday evening. Give them some space.

Ten minutes later I went to the loo. Apparently, while I was away, Dearest instructed the rest of our team not to tell me about what she was about to do, whereupon she immediately waved at the trio cooing "Elano, Geovanni and....errr". Nery Castillo hadn't blipped on her radar at this point. She knew he was a player but that was it. To be fair they waved and smiled back and she shook Geovanni's hand as he was the closest. At this point I reappeared unaware of what had happened. I found out later when Youngest spilled the beans but by that time Dearest was well away. C'est la vie.

Still, it's a good advert fro a Brazilian restaurant if it's full of Brazilians and apparently the City lot are in there every other week.

And I won't blame them filling their faces on the fact that Everton took all three bloody points!

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Snap time.


The 'Air Shard' at the Northern War Museum.


The 'Air Shard' from Salford Quays.


The view from the 'Air Shard' looking over Salford Quays.


The new 'Media City', soon to be home of BBC Radio FiveLive. Salford Quays.


From Manchester, Victoria towards Liverpool.


The Manchester Wheel reflected in the Urbis building.