Ey Tarquin... are yer trolleys on't right way round?
I'm right pissed off. Earlier, as I re-acquainted myself with Ale-Fan's re-invigorated blog I became all nostialgic after Mr Fan utilised the name "Boddingtons" as a bench mark for crap beer. I penned a blogsworth of reminiscence of the great beers of Manchester's recent past. From Boddies, through Wilsons, Oldham Brewery (OB), Chesters, Robinsons and a few others. In the interests of balance, I added a devastating critique of the wasteland we now call the "modern brewing industry."The comment got chewed. Fuck
One of my earliest jobs was at a local engineering factory. Every Friday dinnertime the local pub would be overwhelmed by hairy-arsed fitters, turners, millers, labourers and *ahem* efette office-types. My first week, the bloke I worked with with got me in there at 11:55am. I walkede in this huge North Manchester pub and the bar was chock full of more pints of pale yellow Boddies (not unlike clear-as-crystal piss actually) than I'd ever seen in my life. Ten minutes later, the lot was gone and the second helpings were being ordered.
It was nectar Boddies. It was gorgeous petal. These days, It's just "Redibrew." It tastes just like effervescent piss actually - but there you go. Progress eh? Today we are served up "lifestyle" drink choices from the Pale-as-piss modern Boddies all the way through to WKD. End result? Ooooh, about three or four multinationals purchasing ingredients, brewing, wholesaling and retailing an alcoholic-lifestyle-choice. And, incidentally, screwing anybody smaller into the dirt, shutting 'em down or takin' them over.
One of the first go where I live was OB (Oldham Breweries). Ironically taken over by Boddingtons when the first batch of be-suited, asset-stripping, Thatcherite twats arrived on the Manchester/Salford border. Now OB was a good drink. Cheap as well. Sadly long gone though. "Oldham Bitter" - doesn't look good on a can in a supermarket does it?
And all the rest followed. Now all these chain-pubs are trying to make out they're different. How do they do this? Well first off they install a 29 year old couldn't-give-a-shit/ambitilous-as-buggery/female-but-usually-male clone who is "enthusiastic". Next up the quiz night is introduced and an android delivers questions from a "Happy-as-fuck", head-office produced, quiz sheet that's "not too taxing". Twenty questions will do - we don't want them thinking too hard, they'll stop drinking multi-coloured drinks.
Then the Karaoke arrives. More enforced "jollity". Fuck right off. Pubs are places where, sometimes, someone wants to stare into the bottom of a glass and hate the world. Next thing you've got Gavin, Lou or Becky thrusting a well-worn folder in your hand, chock full of banal shite that even Engelbert Humpledink - or, indeed, Paul McCartney - wouldn't dream of touching with a barge pole.
Then they shut down for a bit for refurbishing. This is, apparently, guaranteed to make the pub a total and utter success on re-opening - because it will be equipped with a fabulous, state of the art kitchen manned by straight out of the local comprehensive, nose-picking, "who's-Tony-Blair?", cutting-edge chefs whose wonderful "all-day-breakfasts" are on a par with Jamie Olivier's.
Eventually, the kitchen closes, the quizzes become even simpler and the karaoke is almost constant modern R&B/RAP. The happy "hours" start to stretch the concept of time and the slow drift into "'allo, is that the brewery? Is there any chance of you providing shutters for the windows?" Begins.
All that's left in Manchester these days are Lees and Holts. Neither "travel", believe me. And both are acquired tastes. I have to say if you get a good one you'll be hooked forever.
But you won't get it in a can.
11 comments:
nice, cozy place you got here :)..
Spot on Steve. Brum was always a bit of a beer desert. The licensing committee would only allow the two local breweries, Ansells and Mitchells & Butlers in the City, with half a dozen Davenports pubs served by their Birmingham brewery. Things improved in the 1980's when other brews were allowed in, but it was a false dawn. Ansells, M & B and Davvies have all shut their breweries and now we live in WetherspoonsWorld. A dozen handpumps... all pumping out 100% pure piss water, tasting equally as bland as each other. If not that, it is a Steakhouse or even worse, pool hall with lager pubs.
Its enough to drive a bloke to drink... if only we could get a decent one in Brum.
However, the Black Country is still a thriving beer centre. Bathams, Enville, Pardoes, Holdens, Highgate... and even Banks' if you're desperate.
Beer and can never go together.
I fear we could be witnessing what Watneys Red Barrel failed to do. The killing of good beer. The pub chains and big breweries are seeing to that.
At least we don't have to suffer Arctic Lite any more. Remember that?
The last few times I've been in any Wetherspoon's pubs in Glasgow, they do a range of guest real ales, and at incredibly respectable prices as well. Seems like their piss drinking clientelle is actually subsidising us ale drinkers.
i used to drink at a fabulous pub - rammed to the rafters with bikers, hippies and the terminally weird. it did huge business as it was a proper spit and sawdust, comfy drinker's pub. the owner sold it to a chain and it was re-incarnated as an "irish" theme pub. needless to say it's largely empty these days. and i really, really fucking miss it.
bastards.
Your post sounds like my local boozer. I only drink there because my lager drinking mates do. And one pint of 'Eurofizz' tastes just like any other.
Luckily for me the guest beer is hand pulled Spitfire brewed by the oldest brewery in the country, Shepherd Neame.
Thankfully we have many micro breweries popping up darn sarf and there is always Wetherspoons.
I worked for Wilsons Brewery many moons ago when they brewed excellent bitter and mild. It was already part of the Watney Mann empire that was convincing everyone to switch to Euroshite lager.
It's gone now, of course, there being "no call for local beers." Bollocks.
My favourite memory of the place though was when we took Mike Harding on a brewery tour and then getting pissed with him at the brewery tap. I have never, ever laughed so much in my life.
I have a theory. For most people the taste of real ale, initially, is a bit too complex for the palate?
I remember my first year in coll drinking McEwans keg until a mate said have you tried the Fullers. I said I had but had preferred the McEwans as it had a smoother flavour. He very quickly educated me in the ways of real beer with a series of "workshops" which involved visiting several pubs with proper ale. Once my palate was tuned in there was no going back.
The problem these days is that the breweries have provided the customer with several sources of alcohol which are just too easy to drink. A decent beer with a slightly stronger flavour just doesn't get a look in.
I live thirty yards away from my Local.Several real ales,good live music and great people.Yes, I do say a silent prayer every night and give friends Camra memberships for their birthdays...I'll convert the buggers to decent beer!
Decko
Lovely post. Thanks. Pubs are very important.
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