Pastaman Vibration
I've found religion.Big. Time.
Now I too can take comfort in a belief system every bit as ludicrous as Christianity, Islam, Judaesm and all the rest of the metaphysical mumbo-jumbo. I too can adopt a smug, self righteous, "knowing" smirk when confronted with non-believers.
Y'know I never thought it would happen. I was always a rational soul who sneered at the medievil nonsense spouted by Rabbis, Bishops, Imams and Popes alike. It just goes to show - the Creator does move in mysterious ways. Praise be.
Furthermore, not only have I seen the light but I've actively converted a number of people to my religion. They have adopted its teachings wholeheartedly and, in at least one case, have bought the t-shirt.
For I have become a Pastafarian.
Us Pastafarians believe that an invisible and undetectable Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe, including a mountain, trees and a midget. Pastafarian heaven has beer volcanoes as far as the eye can see and stripper factories.
All evidence for evolution was planted by the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The FSM tests Pastafarians' faith by making things look older than they are. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 11,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
According to the Pastafarian belief system, pirates are "absolute divine beings" and the original Pastafarians. Their image as "thieves and outcasts" is misinformation spread by Christian theologians in the Middle Ages. Pastafarianism says that they were in fact "peace-loving explorers and spreaders of good will" who distributed candy to children.
As the Pirates' numbers have decreased over the centuries, we can observe a corresponding increase in Global Warming. Ergo an increase in pirates will stem and eventually pull back global warming.
It all sounds good to me - and it does make a serious point. See the Flying Spaghetti Monster page on Wikipedia to get the full facts and, who knows you too could be "touched by His noodly appendage".
In other news I've just booked a weekend in Cologne as a birthday treat for Dearest. £70 foor two return flights and 185 euros for a basic double bedroom in a central hotel.
A couple of the blogs I peruse have become "infected" with cowardly twats leaving anonymous derogatory comments. Both Yorkshire Pudding and Demob Happy Teacher have been affected. Why? What's the point? If I was that brassed off with the content of a blog (rather than, say, the Government, World Poverty, Global Warming or even Jeremy Kyle) I'd have to question my existence. If I was that brassed off and I didn't have enough courage to even semi-identify myself, I think I would just crawl under a rock and die.
There's a nice guy from Scotland who v-blogs on YouTube who, this very week has opened his mouth on this very issue - although, to be fair, it's not as anonymous on video. Nevertheless there are still a significant number of humans making the effort to slag folk off. What on Earth do you think they gain?
Have a listen to Mr PeriUrban:-
3 comments:
Ah! Welcome to the one true faith brother. May the peace of pasta be upon you.
Mr PeriUrban needs to watch where he's treading while climbing a hill with a digital camera in his mitt. He might encounter a rabbit hole, broken glass or canine faeces. And is he hiding an Afro hairstyle under that woolly hat? Still in spite of all that, I like his attitude and the way he's using the www to voice his own opinions.
You're not one of those Welsh noodle miners in the TV advert for Pot Noodles, are you?
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