OCCUPIED COUNTRY

The World Turned Upside Down

Listening to Radio 5live yesterday I happened upon a report that somebody, somewhere has suggested that 16 year olds should not only be allowed to vote, but also be allowed to become MPs. The logic underpinning this twaddle has its roots firmly embedded in the 'involve-'em-and-they'll-get-interested' camp, which is closely allied to the 'I-am-a-middle-class-airhead-with-no-true-experience-of-life-as-the-rest-of-us-understand-it' faction. Palpable crap

Even Pitt the Younger would have surely raised an eyebrow at some of this country's finest examples of responsible young aldultism? I mean can you imagine attending your local MPs surgery to be confronted by a 16 year old? (Assuming he turns up). Let's face it, that adolescent is either going to be a baseball-capped, sneering bundle of happiness who stood for election 'fer a laugh', or a modern version of the teenage William Hague - or worse still that ill-informed prick who spouts nonsense on Conservative Commentary.

Hansard. 15th November 2023.

Speaker: "The Honourable Member for Chavsville North...."

The Honourable Member for Chavsville North: "I'd errrr *like*, errr *y'know*, *like* err say Hey dudes it's my first speech in da house so don't 'dis wiv me man'. Errrrr....that's it man.

Later, in the members bar:-

"Three Snakebites please mate and three 'aftershocks' and three pints of Stella for me and my fucking wastrel mate constituent."

Question Time (Thursday nights not Wednesday afternoons) would plumb depths even greater than it's achieved since the demise of Robin Day.

Chair of QT: "But surely Mr Chav your argument is empirically n......"

Mr Chav "Fuck off yer poncy twat...heh heh heh."

Yes, quality idea. I can't wait.

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Tonight I needed some cash and washing up liquid (Dearest insisting on the latter, mere existence in the modern world requesting the former). Being 8:30ish I drove about half a mile to a local ex-Co-op - now a 'Late Shop'. As an added bonus it also boasts an ATM that faces onto the main Manchester to Oldham road. In goes the little piece of plastic and round the corner comes a burberry of chavs.*

Just my luck that the 'transaction is being processed - please wait', so no chance of aborting and buggering off.

Next thing I'm in the midst of the shaven-headed bastards

"Rob the fucker Micky......ha ha ha ha!."

There must've been 5 or 6 of 'em and it's very, very worrying. So it was a joke (I think - perhaps I was too big for 6 of them to overcome), but it certainly makes your heartbeat step up a gear.

Perhaps they were on a fact-finding tour of a Northern conurbation's streets at night with a view to acquiring experience of the problems suffered by ordinary people before standing for election in some happy-clappy-everything-is-beautiful hustings of the near future.

But somehow I doubt it.

*C'mon all you wordsmiths - You know who you are. Let's hear your suggestions: a collective noun for chavs.