OCCUPIED COUNTRY

Oooops I Did It Again......

I’ll tell you what, this ‘house-husband’ malarkey is bloody hard work. Take the glorious weekend that has just flashed by. Instead of languidly greeting the morning and easing myself into the day ahead I had to jump out of bed and attack the garden, a garden that has not been attended to for quite some weeks (months possibly). The grass was a good 8 to 10 inches high and the ‘lawn’ itself was still damp from all the rain we’ve been experiencing in these parts. It was almost too much for the aging Flymo, but after an hour of cursing, pushin’, sweatin’, pullin’ swearin’ and a-cussin’ the first pass was complete.

“That looks a mess” observed Dearest helpfully as I wiped salty sweat from my eyes, jealously observed the next door neighbours reclining in the heat with a glass of something cool and considered phase two.

“We need a strimmer!”

I set off in the increasing heat to the local branch of Focus. This, in retrospect was a big mistake as the roadworks pixies had been out overnight putting up a temporary yet complicated six set traffic light sequence that was cheerfully holding up vehicles in what seemed like a twenty mile radius all round the store I was trying to access. A mass road rage outbreak was simmering just beneath the surface as I finally parked up in their crowded car park and marched purposefully in.

Within minutes I was walking resignedly out. There’s been a “run” on strimmers and all they had left were top of the range solid gold models with a price tag to match.

Time for plan B. B and Q. Once more into the congestion.

In short it took me nearly two hours to purchase a strimmer. Given that my original destination was a mere half mile from my front door I think that can be described as excessive. But, undaunted I assembled the various parts and approached the lawn edge. I pulled the trigger and the grass and weeds fell. Twenty seconds later I had the strimmer unplugged and was threading more cord through as the first ten seconds of activity was too much for the original. Over the next hour or so I must have repeated this fulfilling activity fifteen times as the flora took it’s toll.

Eventually it was over and the lawn edges were once again defined and the weeds and overgrowth had gone. “Dearest’ll be impressed now” I thought as I readied myself for one more mow.

“Where have my ornamental grasses gone?”

Sometimes you just can’t win……….

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Later, after a long horticultural lecture from Dearest, we decamped to the local beer garden and were soon joined by Eldest, Mrs Eldest, Eldest’s best man and his two year old twin boys. By the time we were ready to leave we had been joined by another five or six – friends that is, not twins - although by this time we were inside the pub as it did cool significantly as the sun dropped. Before we left I had been convinced to book a flight to Nice in order to watch Barcelona take on Shakthar Donesk in Monaco. It’s the winners of the Champion’s League v the winners of the EUFA Cup and it should be a great opportunity for me to watch a shedload of City’s future stars play for Barca as we’re about to buy them all apparently.

Sunday arrived and the ironing pile had reached tipping point. What a great way to pass the time in a heatwave, The only way to approach this task was stripped to my boxers with an electric fan gently cooling me.

I’ll soon have lost pounds at this rate.

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Here in the North West we’re “being targeted by the BNP” according to local news sources. Come Thursday’s Euro elections the “thugs in suits” hope to gain enough of a share of the vote to send a significant number of representatives to Strasbourg. Certainly the press seem to think so because the number of articles on the dangers of using them as a protest vote against the mainstream parties must now be in three figures at least. Locally we’ve had the Manchester Evening News, The Oldham Chronicle and Advertiser. Nationally The Observer, Guardian, Mirror and a host of others all running with similar analyses. Add to this the features on “the murky past” of most – if not all – BNP leaders and the worry among the liberal elite becomes palpable.

I think I have a little more faith in the electorate than that. I think the likes of UKIP, The English Democratic Party and maybe The Greens will receive the protest votes. Moreover we could see a massive rise in abstentions and spoilt papers. Sure there will be an increase for the fascists but not on the scale that is feared. People, on the whole, aren’t stupid and it will only be those that are who will vote for the racist tossers.

What doesn’t help in situations like this though is when a climate of fear of expressing a viewpoint that challenges the prevailing multi-culturism-and-diversity-is-always-good stance is met with a carte blanche charge of racism and bigotry. The left at present seems to me to be shooting itself in the foot over this issue by appearing to condone cultures that oppress women and discriminate against other cultures – mainly western capitalism – the very culture that allows them the freedom of speech to call for its overthrow. There’s some very flawed logic knocking around this whole area and the politicians and opinion formers need to start addressing it seriously.

Fascism exists in many different guises and it doesn’t always have a white face.

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Dearest won’t be able to “roll with it” this coming weekend. Originally she was to have attended one of the Oasis concerts in Manchester’s Heaton Park with Mrs Eldest but the broken shoulder has rendered it unwise to do so. She will just have to make sure it’s OK for the Neil Young gig on June 23rd.