OCCUPIED COUNTRY

What is and What Should Never Be

Well last night turned out a little differently than expected. After the abjectly poor display from Manchester City, Dearest and myself ambled slowly to t'Willow to meet up with the quiz team and stragglers from the match.

"We can post my sick note on the way" said Dearest. There's a post box on the way to the pub.

So, off we go. Sick Note posted we carry on round the bend to the pub. As we are waiting for the Pelican crossing I suddenly remember that I've not brought any money.

Dearest carries on into the pub and I head back home.

As I round the bend back to where the post-box is I spot three kids lighting a firework and *posting it*. I shouted something derogatory as I legged it towards them. One of them - luckily the smallest - chose the wrong direction and I was able to grab him. His "mates" legged it.

So I had him but, what the hell was I going to do with him ? Resisting the strong urge to beat seven colours of shit out of him I decided that I was going to get the police. But How could I get the police while keeping hold of the squirming little bastard ?

So, a couple of minutes later I've bundled him into the pub, sat him down, got a few of the quiz team to guard him and I phoned the police. I ended up, of course being put through to some central call-centre. They took my details and, in that vaguely "I-know-I'm-telling-a-lie-but-just-go-along-with-it-for-both-our-sakes" way that they have, assured that someone would "be there soon".

Now I've some experience of the police promising me they would "be there soon". Most noticeably the last time we were burgled and I waited from 10:30pm to 6:00am for a PC to arrive. So let's just say I wasn't holding my breath. But what started to worry me then was - if I kept the kid in the pub for a length of time - would I be guilty of kidnap ? Mr Bland-But-Reassuring on the other end of the line told me "not to worry".

But you do don't you ? I begin to harbour thoughts of the tables turning and me ending up in the dock trying to defend myself against some wiley prosecutor; interested only in furthering his/her career rather than truth and justice.

What seemed like an age later the phone rang it was the police they were outside. I went out and explained what had happened. They came in the pub and took the kid away. I couldn't help feeling sorry for him (and his parents), but it had to be done.

He'll probably just get a warning anyway.

Unless, of course, it's not his first offence.

Still, at least he wasn't a Liverpudlian so ol' thin-skin won't be able to accuse me of anti-Liverpudlian bias will he ? Every cloud.......