5Live have been trailing an important announcement from the US military for the past hour and a half. "Any minute now", "The Podium is still empty". "We are assured it will happen within the next 5 minutes". Riveting it was. Absolutely riveting.
All the talk was about this being a major declaration - either good or bad. After all - the argument went - its "prime time" in the good 'ol US of A, even though its the middle of the night in the actual theatre of war. (The UK is also tucked up and snorin')
When it happened it took about 30 seconds. No questions. Just the fact ma'am, just the facts. And the story ? Well happily for the prisoner involved, the Yanks have managed to rescue him/her from the clutches of the 'Evil Regime'.
In the end it was like poor sex. The media were indulging themselves in some fantastic foreplay. They managed to prolong the climax that long it started to acquire a Tantric-like status. Then the moment came and went. A damp squib.
"How was it for you ?"
"Super Darling, absolutely super...........cigarette ?"
After it was all over 5Live were still talking about it as though it had been one of the most significant events of the war so far.
20 minutes later they seem to have demoted the whole shebang to not-quite-as-good-as-that-fumble-behind-the-bike-sheds-with-Dierdre Smethurst-back-in-'72.
PS When will folk start using the word "yes" again instead of "abso-fecking-lutely" ??????
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